Ads

Monday 23 January 2017

Your uncle died. Give me your money

African people confuse me slightly. You'd have thought that after all the billions we have donated to them over the last thirty or so years they would be the richest nation on the planet by now. The fact that a lot of them still live in huts made out of mud and sticks, don't have any food, and have a water supply filled with more shit than Justin Bieber's mouth, and half the population spend their time attempting to scam money out of mentally challenged Westerners, suggests we should probably stop giving them money. And also suffocate Bob Geldof.

On 21 October 2016 at 10:08, Morris Nelson <barristermorrisnelson1@gmail.com> wrote:

My Dear,

With due respect how are you over there in your country? I believe you are fine and doing well. It is me MORRIS NELSON, It have been a very long time dear. I hope my email meets you in good health.

I am much delighted and privileged to contact you again it takes destiny and courage to remember Good friends like you and at the same time, show gratitude to you despite circumstances that separated us and made our transaction not work out as we had projected then. i use your name as the next of kin of my late client and process the Inheritance fund Claim which was successfully in getting those funds transferred with the co-operation of a new partner.

The good news is that I'm happy to inform you about successfully in getting those funds transferred with the co-operation of a new partner I hereby write to inform you that your Atm Visa Card is available with sum of US$500,000.00 U.S Dollars) inside it. i have registered the delivery of your Atm Visa card at ( FedEx Courier Service ), and they have requested reconfirm your delivery address before they will deliver your Atm Visa card to your address.

You advice to send your delivery address to the (FedEx Courier Service ) via their email address noted here:  E-mail: fedex.tgcustomerservice@outlook.com

FEDEX EXPRESS
FedEx Courier Service,Lome Togo
PAKO Agency Ltd
276, Blvd Du 13 Janvier
Immeuble Fiata 1er Etage
P.O. Box 30327
Lome, Togo
E-mail: fedex.tgcustomerservice@outlook.com
Website: www.fedex.com

Immediately re-confirmed your delivery address to them because i have paid them the delivery fee of US$325.00 (Three Hundred and Twenty Five U.S Dollars) here is tracking code: 800277347645

https://www.fedex.com/apps/fedextrack/?tracknumbers=800277347645&cntry_code=tg

Update me after you receive your Atm Visa Card .

Yours Faithfully,

Morris Nelson

On 24 October 2016 at 10:21, Heather Carter wrote:

Hello Mr Morris Nelson,

It's lovely to hear from you again for the first time. I am super, how are you?

Well actually when I say I'm super, that's not completely accurate. I lost my entire family in a terrible arson attack the other week. Somebody dowsed the whole house in petrol and accidentally lit a match. I was lucky to escape a fiery death because I had already run off to hide the petrol cans. Still, I inherited a vastly sum of $150,000,000 dollars as a result so added to the small $500,000 dollars you have just given me, I'm feeling really quite splendid. In fact I may just take the $500,000 you gave me and blow it all on shoes.

The only annoying thing is that dollars are a bit useless in my country so I have to convert it to my country's national currency and of course then I have to think about the exchange rate. It's a real pain in the tits but I suppose these are the sorts of things multi-millionaires like me have to face.

So how are you?

Heather. x

On 24 October 2016 at 11:27, Morris Nelson <barristermorrisnelson1@gmail.com> wrote:

i have registered the delivery of your Atm Visa card at ( FedEx Courier Service ), and they have requested reconfirm your delivery address before they will deliver your Atm Visa card to your address.

You advice to send your delivery address to the (FedEx Courier Service ) via their email address noted here:  E-mail: fedex.tgcustomerservice@outlook.com

FEDEX EXPRESS
FedEx Courier Service,Lome Togo
PAKO Agency Ltd
276, Blvd Du 13 Janvier
Immeuble Fiata 1er Etage
P.O. Box 30327
Lome, Togo
E-mail: fedex.tgcustomerservice@outlook.com
Website: www.fedex.com

Immediately re-confirmed your delivery address to them because i have paid them the delivery fee of US$325.00 (Three Hundred and Twenty Five U.S Dollars) here is tracking code: 800277347645

https://www.fedex.com/apps/fedextrack/?tracknumbers=800277347645&cntry_code=tg

Update me after you receive your Atm Visa Card .

Yours Faithfully,

Morris Nelson

On 24 October 2016 at 11:46, Heather Carter wrote:

Thanks Morris,

Since your email address is the same as the email address you told me to email my address to, I might as well just email you back, right? OK so my address is 60-61 Bumblefaggot Lane, United Arab Emirates, PO BOX 1234. If you want to come round personally, I am sat outside sunbathing in my burkini and could do with a bit of company. Interested? I promise I won't fiddle with you, unless you're into that sort of thing.

Lots of love

Heather. x

On 25 October 2016 at 09:36, Morris Nelson <barristermorrisnelson1@gmail.com> wrote:

Urgently send your address to the (FedEx Courier Service ) via their email address noted here:  E-mail: fedex.tgcustomerservice@outlook.com

FEDEX EXPRESS
FedEx Courier Service,Lome Togo
PAKO Agency Ltd
276, Blvd Du 13 Janvier
Immeuble Fiata 1er Etage
P.O. Box 30327
Lome, Togo
E-mail: fedex.tgcustomerservice@outlook.com
Website: www.fedex.com

Immediately re-confirmed your delivery address to them because i have paid them the delivery fee of US$325.00 (Three Hundred and Twenty Five U.S Dollars) here is tracking code: 800277347645

https://www.fedex.com/apps/fedextrack/?tracknumbers=800277347645&cntry_code=tg

Update me after you receive your Atm Visa Card .

Yours Faithfully,

Morris Nelson

On 25 October 2016 at 09:36, Heather Carter wrote:

Hi again Morris,

Sure thing, I'll send them my address right away as well as explicit instructions on how to enter my property. It's not just a simple case of knocking on the front door because of my political views. Basically they will need to do a special knock which involves three short knocks, a long knock, a pause of exactly 4.67 seconds, then six short knocks and then they have to utter the secret passphrase which I will also supply them with. Once they have successfully done that they'll need to press their eye up against the panel on the side of the door. This is a retina scanner and, if they don't do it properly, will blind them. If they have not been blinded, I'll come up via the basement from the safe house, through the double-locked garden gate, over the electrified fence (once I've temporarily deactivated it of course) and then come to the front door armed with a pointed stick.

Would they like a cup of tea when they come round?

Thanks

heather. x

Saturday 20 August 2016

Lesbian scissoring

A couple of my best friends are lesbians. I really like them, although I do wish they wouldn't keep trying to set me up with their other gay friends. I mean just because I accidentally walked into a gay bar once doesn't mean I'm a lesbian. Although I was rather offended no one chatted me up. Am I really that unattractive to the same sex?

I'm not sure I could ever do anything sexual with another woman but it's always fun to try and confuse the spammers with a bit of mild erotica, not that they are intelligent enough to understand what I'm saying...

From: jessica.robbins20@hotmail.com
Sent: 11 July 2016 09:44
To: Heather Carter
Subject: Ready to use email list

Hi

I hope this email finds you well.

The Discover Organization is a full service B2B Sales & Marketing Agency Specializing in delivering high quality sales leads; and to date we have helped over 3000+ companies from around the globe bolster their market share and achieve their growth ambitions.
I look forward to speaking further in due course.

Your quick note will be greatly appreciated.

Regards,
Jessica

From: Heather Carter
Sent: 19 July 2016 09:51
To: jessica.robbins20@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Ready to use email list

Hi Jessica,

Thanks for your email. Honestly I'd be more interested in getting your contact details. I've recently come out of the closet and would like to embark on a lesbian affair with a stranger. Would you be interested?

Lots of love

Heather xxx

From: jessica.robbins20@hotmail.com
Sent: 18 August 2016 14:18
To: Heather Carter
Subject: Hi

Hello,
How are you doing today? I'm in Madrid Spain  to see my cousin (Moses). Please I really need your urgent help. I will be really grateful if you would help me.

Regards,
Jessica

From: Heather Carter
Sent: 19 August 2016 08:26
To: jessica.robbins20@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Hi

Hello again Jessica,

What a wonderful coincidence, I'm also flying to Spain later today. Perhaps we could meet up and scissor.

Lots of love

Heather xxx

From: jessica.robbins20@hotmail.com
Sent: 19 August 2016 09:53
To: Heather Carter
Subject: RE: Hi

Sorry to disturb you with my problem.  My cousin and his family had an accident here in Madrid Spain, and his wife who was driving at the time is already dead. I need to pay the hospital bill's  of him and his three year old son whose leg was broken. I need a loan of $2,000 Dollar's from you, i will definitely pay back once am back. If you can help me out, please let me know to provide you with the details to get the money to me.

Regards,
Jessica

From: Heather Carter
Sent: 19 August 2016 09:55
To: jessica.robbins20@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Hi

Hi Jessica,

I'm really sorry to hear that. Perhaps you could take out a business loan from the B2B company you were talking about last month. Have you ever been with another woman before? I'm still very new to this whole thing and I find the dungarees a little uncomfortable, although I have now got the hang of calling everything fabulous. Shall I get some toys or would you prefer to use your fist?

Lots of love

Heather xxx

From: jessica.robbins20@hotmail.com
Sent: 19 August 2016 10:19
To: Heather Carter
Subject: RE: Hi

Pls i do not understand your email.

I need to pay the hospital bill's  of him and his three year old son whose leg was broken. I need a loan of $2,000 Dollar's from you, i will definitely pay back once am back. If you can help me out, please let me know to provide you with the details to get the money to me.

Regards,
Jessica

From: Heather Carter
Sent: 19 August 2016 10:38
To: jessica.robbins20@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Hi

Hi Jessica,

have you tried blackmailing the hospital? I once owed someone money but managed to get out of it after I took photos of them inserting their fist inside a horse and threatened to expose them unless they forgot about the money I owed them. Have you considered selling your body to one of the doctors? If that doesn't pay the bill, you could secretly video it and blackmail them. I'd certainly pay to watch it, especially if it was a female doctor because, you know, I admitted to you that I came out of the closet and all that.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing your thoughts and just so you know, my consultancy fee is $2,000. Please make cheques payable to H. L. Carter t/a Carterway Retards.

Lots of love

heather xxx

Friday 30 October 2015

Help my business and take some cock

On 21 October 2015 at 17:59, <rakhi@rankrocks.com> wrote:

Hi,

Can you outsource the SEO work for us.

Please help me my business. I setup the own business and spend more money.

Thanks

 Rakhi

On 2015-10-22 07:50, Heather Carter wrote:

Hi Rakhi, 

I know exactly how you feel. I borrowed lots of money from several bank accounts because I told them I wanted to set up my own business. I didn't start a business but took the money and did a runner. Times are hard. Anyway, my husband recently died of asphyxiation with a pillow and I inherited a few million from him (he was a 90 year old oil tycoon) so now I am single and looking for someone to marry and share the wealth with. Are you interested?

Heather x

On 22 October 2015 at 11:57, <rakhi@rankrocks.com> wrote:

Yes, I am interested with you. No problem.

Thanks

 Rakhi

On 2015-10-23 08:38, Heather Carter wrote:

Hi Rakhi, 

That's wonderful. Are you rich? Have you ever been skydiving or petted a wild tiger?

Lots of love

Heather xx

On 23 October 2015 at 17:07, <rakhi@rankrocks.com> wrote:

Yes really. we will meat you sure on your location.  But now a days some financial problem i am not rich. And also spend more money on  SEO business. That why i need your help to grow my SEO business.

Thanks

On 2015-10-23 16:10, Heather Carter wrote:

Hi Rakhi, 

Couldn't I just stay home and be a housewife, make sure the place is clean, cook you dinner and toss you off after you've had a hard day at work?

xx

On 24 Oct 2015 09:19, <rakhi@rankrocks.com> wrote:

Ok. i am ready to stay at home as a housewife. No problem but i have loan now a days first i have to clear after this i will decide this.

Thanks

 Rakhi

On 2015-10-24 16:00, Heather Carter wrote:

I meant I would stay home and be a housewife. The only way you could be a wife is if you had an operation like Bruce Jenner did. If you became a woman that would also require quite a lifestyle change for me and would involve some awkward conversations with my parents.

On 26 October 2015 at 08:06, <rakhi@rankrocks.com> wrote:

Yes,  But i have loan of many guys. First we have to clear all amount after this we can decide this. That why i am saying that please help me to my SEO business. That why i can clear loan amount to them.

Thanks

 Rakhi

On 2015-10-26 11:02, Heather Carter wrote:

You loan yourself out to guys? So you're like a rent boy? I'm not sure how I'd feel about that as your wife. Do you get yourself regularly checked out by a doctor for STD's? I suppose I could make these guys disappear if they are causing you trouble. I'm good at that and never leave any evidence.

On 26 October 2015 at 17:00, <rakhi@rankrocks.com> wrote:

No rent boy, I take money from my frds not boy, all my frds are good jobs and he has good salary. That why i have some money from my frds and spend the money in my SEO business like building rent, PC, chairs, Tables and office boy plus employ etc.

Thanks

 Rakhi

On 2015-10-26 17:13, Heather Carter wrote:

It sounds like you have nice friends. I don't ever borrow money from friends because I know I'll never pay them back.

On 27 October 2015 at 11:27, <rakhi@rankrocks.com> wrote:

But I have to pay them back all frds that why i am do hard working in SEO clients. Please help me to maDe the SEO clients. I will charge only $100 per month not more Please you are my closed frd that why please help me.

Thanks

Rakhi

On 2015-10-27 11:32, Heather Carter wrote:

That's really sweet of you. So are any of your friends single? It's just I've got a couple of friends who are looking to get hitched too. Perhaps we could have a joint wedding. Anyway, what do you need from me? Obviously, as a devoted wife I will always support my husband. Do you want a hand job?

On 27 October 2015 at 12:44, <rakhi@rankrocks.com> wrote:

ok. I need help whole life. But right now i need your big support with SEO clients need near about $2350 business from your end to pay to frds.

That why i am saying you that please closed the SEO clients there and i do the SEO work.

Thanks

 Rakhi

On 2015-10-27 13:33, Heather Carter wrote:

Wow that's a lot of money. Still, I owed some crime lords over $500,000 which is why I had to do a runner and go underground. They threatened to hunt me down and kill my family if I didn't pay up so god only knows what's happened to everybody. I keep expecting to receive their body parts through the post. Have you thought about donating a kidney? Failing that drug smuggling or prostitution pays well.

On 27 Oct 2015 15:44, <rakhi@rankrocks.com> wrote:

oh. You can not help me i think. If possible then you help me on $300 right now. Reason i have to pay rent to owner.

On 2015-10-27 17:16, Heather Carter wrote:

I could get 300 raised but I'd have to blow a lot of guys for that. Would you be ok with that? I mean I know it goes against our whole proposed marriage but I suppose we're not married yet are we?

On 27 Oct 2015 17:23, <rakhi@rankrocks.com> wrote:

Hi Heather,

I ready with you i have already told you. Promise.. But now a days i m facing the problem with money reason setup the seo Business this is main reason.. If you can send the $300 then it will be great help for me right now.

Can you sent me your paypal id then i can raise the invoice $300

don't worry i need your help whole life and running your accordingly.

Thanks

 Rakhi

On 2015-10-27 18:34, Heather Carter wrote:

Hi Rakhi,

Well hang on first I need to contact my existing clients and also stand on a few street corners in order to raise the funds. Prostitution is hard work you know, especially if I have to swallow. Have you ever considered blowing people?

Heather x

On 27 October 2015 at 18:40, <rakhi@rankrocks.com> wrote:

Opps you can contact your existing client but i need help your help. Don't worry regarding the my SEO work. I have 8 years experiences of digital.


But can you send me fund from your side?

On 2015-10-28 15:10, Heather Carter wrote:

Hi Rakhi, 

Well I worked my tits off last night to raise the cash! I mean literally worked my tits off. I've never taken so much cock in one go and some of the things these guys wanted to do... I mean it hurts just thinking about it. I don't think I'll be able to sit down for a month! Anyway, through my gargling of copious amounts of spunk and taking water melons up body cavities, I managed to raise over $1200 dollars. Unfortunately I then got a visit from the loan sharks who I owe a lot of money to. They threatened to break my legs and kill my pet hamster if I didn't pay them so I had to give them every penny of my hard-earned cash. Don't worry though because I got a phone call from a Pakistani guy earlier who says he has 23 horny frinds who will pay to gang bang me. If it's alright with you I'll put myself through this torture just so I can raise the money.

I hope you understand.

Heather x

On 28 October 2015 at 17:13, <rakhi@rankrocks.com> wrote:

Hi Heather

ok. We are waiting for money. Thanks for your big support

Thanks

Rakhi

Wednesday 19 August 2015

Please promote my website. Do you like porn?

From: abhishek.verma@clearpathtechnology.com
Sent: 19 August 2015 03:25
To: Heather Carter
Subject: RE: Website

Hello Carter,

Greeting from Clearpath Technology!!!

My name is Abhishek Verma, I'm Business Development Manager with Clearpath Technology.

I would like to discuss internet Marketing for your website, we can help you to get first page ranking on google.com

Please let me know convenient time for you to call you.

Please do not hesitate to ask any question.

Thanks and regards,

Abhishek Verma|Business Development Manager- IT Sales
Cell/Viber- +91- 99757 08020, Skype Id- sales.service.0015
Clearpath Technology Pvt. Ltd.
Email: abhishek.verma@clearpathtechnology.com Web: www.clearpathtechnology.com
Simple Procedures, Great Results

From: Heather Carter
Sent: 19 August 2015 10:25
To: abhishek.verma@clearpathtechnology.com
Subject: RE: Website

Hello Abhishek,

Thanks for your email, it sounds fantastic! I'd really like to get my website number one on Google. I run and operate a pornographic website, mainly focusing on beastiality. It's mainly horses and donkeys with humans but there are a few goats and even chickens. All the animals are over the legal age of consent for their species so it's perfectly legal (well apart from one video involving an otter).

I'd be really grateful if you could get me to number one on the Google.

Thanks

Heather x

From: abhishek.verma@clearpathtechnology.com
Sent: 19 August 2015 10:31
To: Heather Carter
Subject: RE: Website

Hello Heather,

Thanks for your email.

Sure, we can get your website on first page of Google/yahoo.
We have given you proposal for 30 keywords SEO for 6 months, which cost $1800.

Kindly confirm, so that we can send you Invoice and sign up link.
Once you complete the sign up, we will assign a dedicated Account Manager to proceed the project.

Kindly confirm the same.

Thanks,

From: Heather Carter
Sent: 19 August 2015 10:52
To: abhishek.verma@clearpathtechnology.com
Subject: RE: Website

Hello again Ahbishek,

So what keywords will you be using to get me to number one on the Google? It would be nice to know because some of the keywords might be flagged on the FBI hotlist. I really don't want to get in trouble with the FBI again, especially after the last hostage situation.

I shall sort payment out right away. I just need to get in touch with my contact in Zurich to move some funds around for me. I've got a few numbered accounts in Switzerland you see and it takes a bit of time to carry out any transactions. I'm sure you understand.

Yours sincerely

Heather x

From: abhishek.verma@clearpathtechnology.com
Sent: 19 August 2015 12:02
To: Heather Carter
Subject: RE: Website

Hello Heather,

Thanks for your email.

Once you are on board, our SEO expert team will do complete research and analysis for your website/business and suggest you top 50-60 keywords for suggestion in which you can shortlist the keywords you want to work OR our team will suggest final top 30 keywords. About FBI hotlist, you don't need to worry our SEO team will suggest only keywords which has no objection from FBI hotlist.

If you can proceed the sign up, we can assign a Account Manager and our team can start research and analysis work by today only.

Below is sign up link-

http://www.clearpathtechnology.com/payment/cc.php?id=abhi

Amount- $1800

Please let me know if you have any query.

Thanks

From: Heather Carter
Sent: 19 August 2015 14:42
To: abhishek.verma@clearpathtechnology.com
Subject: RE: Website

Hello Abhishek,

Are you sure? It's just words like bomb, terrorist, hostage, airport, nuclear, pork, sex, islam and chemical warfare are keywords that I'm keen to focus on to promote my pornographic website. You may wonder what that has to do with animal porn and I can tell you that the kind of people who watch animals having sex with humans are the same people who take part in the above activities.

Oh and in terms of the cost, I've recently been involved in an international embezzlement case and have had all my assets frozen. This has left me a bit short of cash and meant I've had to start holding up off-licences and post offices at gun point in order to pay for my drug addiction. Instead of paying you the $1800 dollars, would you offer your services in exchange for some free goat porn?

Thanks

Heather x

From: abhishek.verma@clearpathtechnology.com
Sent: 19 August 2015 15:15
To: Heather Carter
Subject: RE: Website

Hello Heather,

What's your website url?

No worry, our team will design keywords such way that will not have any problem.

We take upfront payment only.

Sorry, we don't have any other alternative.

Let me know if you manage the budget, we can start the project.

Thanks

From: Heather Carter
Sent: 19 August 2015 15:25
To: abhishek.verma@clearpathtechnology.com
Subject: RE: Website

Hi Abhishek,

Sorry to hear you don't accept goat porn as an alternative? What about horse porn? Badger porn perhaps?

From: abhishek.verma@clearpathtechnology.com
Sent: 19 August 2015 15:31
To: Heather Carter
Subject: RE: Website

No.

From: Heather Carter
Sent: 19 August 2015 15:35
To: abhishek.verma@clearpathtechnology.com
Subject: RE: Website

Hi Abhishek,

That's a real shame. Is there anything else I can offer instead? Some cocaine or maybe some sexual favours?